Scripture

SINAI — Scholars marveled at the revelation of what was described as a long-hidden passage of religious text, as a newly discovered portion of the Mosaic Law required Israelites to separate themselves from "unclean" Android users.The…

EPHESUS — An ancient document discovered in the region of Ephesus may be a long-lost third letter to Timothy, where Paul warns the young preacher not to start a podcast, say researchers."This new letter sheds light on the prevalence of…

JERUSALEM - Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus of Nazareth for violating the Empire's clear "stay in tomb" order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict…

JUDEA — Saint John the Apostle has reportedly signed a lucrative six figure deal with Nike following his win against Saint Peter in a footrace to the tomb of Jesus.Saint Peter has continually maintained that it was not a race, and that…

JERUSALEM - Local Roman soldier Plinius was given his guard assignment for the weekend and was delighted to see he'd been entrusted with guarding the tomb of "some Jewish carpenter guy," as he'd be able to get some shut-eye and have a…

EAST OF EDEN — Public opinion was heavily divided this week after accused murderer Cain raised $1,000,000 in crowdfunding donations after killing his brother, Abel.All three of the members of Earth's population were surprised to learn…

JERUSALEM — As crowds waved palm branches and laid down their cloaks for him to walk on, a local donkey was thankful to finally be getting the recognition he always felt he deserved."It's about time," thought the donkey, as hundreds…

SAMARIA — According to insiders, King Ahab of Israel lamented a recent meeting he had with the prophet Elijah, admitting that just once he would like the prophets to say God is pleased and that everything is fine and dandy.Prophets are…

CANA — Large crowds gathered at a local burger joint following news that a man purported to be the Messiah had miraculously turned seed oil into beef tallow.While gathered with His disciples, the one they call Jesus of Nazareth questioned…

CAMBRIDGE — In a noteworthy new discovery, a group of biblical scholars revealed a new consensus opinion that the Apostle Paul likely suffered shipwreck so many times during his life because he failed to ask God for traveling…