Scripture

NINEVEH — After a surprise visit from an Israelite prophet who inexplicably reeks of whale vomit, local residents have agreed to repent of all so-called acts of "wickedness and violence" if it will make him leave.According to sources, the…

ETHIOPIA — The man who became a Christian through the miraculous witness of the Apostle Philip was disappointed to learn that he would henceforth be known to the world simply as the "Ethiopian Eunuch."Though ecstatic to have been baptized…

JERUSALEM — Reports circulated that the House of Solomon had fallen into disarray following a disastrous Valentine's Day celebration in which the king only bought 698 gifts despite having 700 wives.King Solomon first became aware of his…

In college, my freshman theology professor constantly made us repeat the saying: “A text without a context is a pretext for a prooftext.” In other words, twisting Scripture out of context to back up a predetermined position is dangerous…

U.S. — A new Bible reading app called Daily Crumbs has taken the Christian community by storm thanks to the accessible way it guides users through the holy scriptures by just texting the entire Bible to them one verse at a time."It's the…

Did you know that almost everything bad that ever happened in the Bible was likely caused by DEI? That's right. The wonton destruction of forced diversity goes back millennia. The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of biblical…

FORT WAYNE, IN — A crack team of theological scholars finally laid an age-old debate within Christendom to rest last week by concluding that the trumpets at Christ's return mean that Jesus will come back with a ska band.The mention of a…

In an interview with Sean Hannity on Wednesday, Vice President J.D. Vance outlined a case for why “America First” is a moral imperative, not just a campaign slogan. The interview aired even as rescue workers were searching the Potomac River…

SHINAR — Following the confusion of languages at the Tower of Babel, local merchant Ur-Nammu was witnessed pretending not to understand his wife in an attempt to get out of housework."¿Que?" Ur-Nammu reportedly said whenever his wife asked…

The start of the new year is traditionally a time when people make their resolutions to better themselves. While many New Year's resolutions quickly fall by the wayside, there are some who reap the benefits of sticking with them. Bible…