Scripture

DAPHNAE, EGYPT—Joseph, Mary, and the Son of God were taken into custody Tuesday morning. Egyptian authorities learned that the Holy Family had violated travel restrictions in their attempt to flee King Herod’s eminent massacre of all male…

WILMINGTON, DE—During his moving Thanksgiving address yesterday, Joe Biden quoted his favorite verse from the book of Trunalimunumapzure. Biden said that his favorite book in the Bible is the book of Trunalimunumapzure and proceeded to…

Trump Appears To Doubting Tucker And Lets Him Touch The Fraudulent Ballots Himself NEW YORK, NY—Tucker Carlson waited in the upper room with the other conservatives. They were huddled together, sad and alone at the loss of their glorious…

U.S.—After the Church of Satan complained on Twitter that Target was selling Bibles, the retailer quickly apologized and pulled the Bible from its shelves. The Church of Satan complained that the book was "Satanophobic." Its tweet got 666…

NEW YORK, NY—Zondervan Bibles, has just announced the release of the NIV Partisan Bible, an innovative new Bible design featuring a fully removable portion of Romans 13 for when you really don’t like the new President of the United States…

GALILEE—According to sources in Northern Israel, a young rabbi named Jesus and his 12 followers have been traveling the country to preach the good news that everyone should purchase health insurance. In one encounter with a blind man, Jesus…

EHRENBERG, CA—In a miraculous sign, Ben Shapiro has parted the waters of the Colorado River for the millions of desperate Californian refugees trying to escape the failed state. After Gavin Newsom closed all the bridges over the river…

Following California's Plagues Of Darkness And Fire, Pacific Ocean Turns To Blood CALIFORNIA—Following California's recent plagues of darkness and fire, the Pacific Ocean turned to blood this morning, sources on the coastline confirmed.…

Scholars Now Believe Jesus Ignored Magi's Gifts, Just Played With The Boxes They Came In U.S.—Biblical scholars from the nation's top divinity schools now believe Jesus ignored the gold, frankincense, and myrrh brought by the Magi and…

Evidence Suggests Mary Used Magi's Gold To Get Little Drummer Boy To Stop Playing BETHLEHEM, ISRAEL—A recent discovery at an archeological site in Bethlehem is adding a new wrinkle to the Christmas story. Researchers have found part of a…