Scripture

ISRAEL—Wow, get a load of how DUMB and STUPID these Pharisees are! They just got absolutely OWNED by this Jewish Rabbi who showed up and put them in their place. The Rabbi totally CRUSHED them with FACTS, LOGIC, and SCRIPTURE. WOW. The…

Holy Land Tourists Excited To See Red Dashed Line Paul Left Behind On His Missionary Journeys ISRAEL—A group of tourists in the Holy Land reported Friday that they were "super pumped" to see the red dashed line the Apostle Paul left behind…

U.S.—Utilizing Wikipedia's tried-and-true method of letting anyone in the world edit its content, so you know it's reliable, a new WikiBible will let anyone edit the inspired Scriptures. The online Bible can be edited on the fly by anyone…

PHOENIX, AZ—Admitting a new psalm into the canon for the first time in thousands of years, an ecumenical council convened in Phoenix this week to officially recognize DC Talk's hit song "Jesus Freak" as inspired scripture. The song was…

Robert Mueller Assures Liberals He Will One Day Return To Judge Donald Trump Before Being Taken Up Into Heaven WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after his press conference announcing his retirement and summarizing his findings in his report on…

WORLD—New textual evidence suggests that Cain killed Abel during a dispute that erupted after a five-hour-long game of popular mass-market board game Monopoly. Apparently, Abel tricked Cain into trading him Park Place, completing his…

Do you want to discover God's will for your life? Well, we're glad you fell for this clickbait headline because we've got this one weird trick that can do it for you. It's the trick the Devil DOESN'T want you to know about! Ready? Here…

ROME—A team of archaeologists has unearthed the Apostle Peter's gaudy, ornate throne room from which the first Pope ruled the churches of the first century, sources confirmed Monday. The historic find was also accompanied by the discovery…

With 'Game Of Thrones' Over, Christians Reluctantly Return To Song Of Solomon For Fix Of Risque Content U.S.—According to a new report, the nation's Christians reluctantly returned to reading the book of Song of Solomon in their Bibles in…

U.S.—Over a million angry fans of the Bible have petitioned God Almighty to rewrite the ending of the Bible, sources confirmed Tuesday. Fans claim they are unhappy with how many people perish in their sins at the end of the world, and asked…