Scripture

U.S.—Scholars have long pondered what it is Jesus wrote in the dirt when the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery to him to be stoned. Now, they have an answer. There is finally an academic consensus that Jesus wrote…

Report: Judas Actually Betrayed Jesus In Exchange For 30 Limited Edition Trump Prayer Coins U.S.—A new report issued by a group of evangelical scholars confirmed Monday that Judas Iscariot actually betrayed Jesus in exchange for 30 limited…

U.S.—A coalition of scholars has announced that the Last Supper partaken of by Jesus and His disciples was actually a potluck. While it was long thought that the supper was closer to a traditional Jewish Passover meal, evangelical scholars…

NAZARETH—In an exciting discovery, archaeologists have uncovered Jesus of Nazareth's official Leftist Tears tumbler. Whenever Jesus got thirsty, he would take a big swig from his official Leftist Tears mug before continuing to preach about…

HEAVEN—According to reports from the afterlife, the Apostle Peter is really embarrassed every time he reads the accounts of the gospels and all the "dumb stuff" he did back then. "Oh man, guys, please don't read the one where I fall into…

U.S.—In a press release Thursday, the Oscar Mayer Company confirmed it is releasing a new line of more biblical Lunchables with five loaves and two fish. The meals will contain two authentic fish from the Sea of Galilee and five…

U.S.—A group of Old Testament scholars is now claiming that Job's friends had just enrolled in their first year of seminary when they came to comfort the biblical figure for his horrible losses. Job's friends' irritating lectures, incorrect…

NAZARETH—Archaeologists working near the ancient village of Nazareth confirmed Monday they have made a fascinating discovery: the blue confetti from baby Jesus's gender reveal party. According to historians, Mary and Joseph held a party for…

U.S.—Bible publishers across the country have agreed to place a spoiler warning in front of all copies of the Book of Revelation, both digital and physical. The message will warn users that reading any further could spoil major plot points…

Archaeologists Finally Discover Holy Grail, Confirm It Was Actually Just Tiny Plastic Cup JERUSALEM—Archaeologists digging near the outskirts of Jerusalem have announced a shocking new discovery, having reportedly located the long-lost Holy…