Scripture

ISRAEL—A newly discovered original manuscript of the New Testament, dated to the First Century, was written entirely in the popular Papyrus font, sources confirmed Wednesday. The manuscript was written entirely in English, in the King James…

Modern-Day Good Samaritan Sees Injured Man On Side Of Road, Angrily Tweets About Republicans NEW YORK, NY—Greg Klein was walking home when he saw an injured man on the side of the road. Much like the good Samaritan in Jesus’s parable, Klein…

U.S.—Bible scholars now believe that Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt after she stopped to take a series of selfies while fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah. "For a long time the text puzzled us," said evangelical scholar Brett…

ISRAEL—Wow, get a load of how DUMB and STUPID these Pharisees are! They just got absolutely OWNED by this Jewish Rabbi who showed up and put them in their place. The Rabbi totally CRUSHED them with FACTS, LOGIC, and SCRIPTURE. WOW. The…

Holy Land Tourists Excited To See Red Dashed Line Paul Left Behind On His Missionary Journeys ISRAEL—A group of tourists in the Holy Land reported Friday that they were "super pumped" to see the red dashed line the Apostle Paul left behind…

U.S.—Utilizing Wikipedia's tried-and-true method of letting anyone in the world edit its content, so you know it's reliable, a new WikiBible will let anyone edit the inspired Scriptures. The online Bible can be edited on the fly by anyone…

PHOENIX, AZ—Admitting a new psalm into the canon for the first time in thousands of years, an ecumenical council convened in Phoenix this week to officially recognize DC Talk's hit song "Jesus Freak" as inspired scripture. The song was…

Robert Mueller Assures Liberals He Will One Day Return To Judge Donald Trump Before Being Taken Up Into Heaven WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after his press conference announcing his retirement and summarizing his findings in his report on…

WORLD—New textual evidence suggests that Cain killed Abel during a dispute that erupted after a five-hour-long game of popular mass-market board game Monopoly. Apparently, Abel tricked Cain into trading him Park Place, completing his…

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