Scripture

WILDERNESS OF SIN — A construction project that had initially attracted the interest of wandering Israelites left everyone disappointed after it was revealed to be the location of a brand new Jack in the Box. Now, the local Hebrews are…

SHORES OF GALILEE — After disciples asked the Teacher why He always portrayed them as sheep in parables, Jesus helpfully explained that it's because sheep are very, very stupid."Welp," said Peter, staring at the ground awkwardly. "We did…

MOUNTAINS OF ARARAT — In the tenth month after the great flood, Noah and his family shouted for joy at the sight of a Buc-ee's gas station sign emerging from the water.To be certain, Noah released a dove and became overjoyed upon its…

JUDEA — A local fatted calf was struck with a sudden overwhelming feeling of dread today after seeing his owner's lost younger son unexpectedly return from living abroad.According to other villagers, the son had left the father's household…

VALLEY OF ELAH — Archaeological findings from the Judean Foothills have just shed new light on the story of David and Goliath, revealing that Goliath claimed to have lost merely because he happened to be fighting David on a slightly sloping…

Every author has felt the sting of rejection at some point or another — but imagine the pain of having the Holy Spirit deny your manuscript!Due to recent archaeological advances, we at the Babylon Bee have recently discovered an entirely…

FORD OF THE JABBOK — Newly unearthed scrolls have revealed the ringside commentary from the wrestling match between Jacob and the Angel of the Lord, as well as the incredible, prime-time rematch Jacob v. Angel II that followed.The…

ELAH VALLEY — A young boy named David has found himself under intense scrutiny and condemnation for his alleged violence against a kindly Palestinian giant named Goliath. Those critical of the young boy's action call this yet another tragic…

OXFORD — Citing newly discovered evidence and a reinterpretation of some of the earliest available Hebrew texts, leading biblical scholars now believe Noah made over 977 trips to Home Depot during the ark's construction.Though not…

JERUSALEM — After a difficult week subduing mobs and navigating political landmines, Governor Pontius Pilate was relieved on Saturday to finally have the whole "Jesus of Nazareth" ordeal over and done with for good."Whew, glad that's behind…