Scripture

Scholars: 'Sing To The Lord A New Song' Better Translated 'Sing To The Lord An Old Song With A Really Cool Bridge' RILEY, MI—Biblical scholars at the Michigan Institute of Linguistics and Paleography have announced that a previously…

BETHLEHEM—New evidence unearthed in the ancient city of Bethlehem confirmed with 99% certainty that Mary and Joseph relaxed after their long journey and intense labor by turning on their favorite Christmas movie, Die Hard. Archaeologists…

WILLIAMSTOWN, KY—Answers in Genesis' famed Ark Encounter has taken the evangelical world by storm, allowing believers from all over the world to tour what Noah's Ark might have looked like. Now, Ken Ham is opening a new attraction that will…

ISRAEL—In a stunning find, archaeologists discovered the pair of Crocs worn by notorious disciple-turned-traitor Judas Iscariot. The dig site contained many interesting relics left over from Jesus's disciples and ministry, but the most…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Sources at the White House confirmed that Vice President Mike Pence was silently praying the imprecatory psalms during an explosive meeting with Pelosi, Schumer, and Trump in the Oval Office earlier today. "May their eyes…

Last Place Fantasy Football Team Invokes Matthew 19:30 Loophole, Declared To Be First PORTLAND, OR—Derrick Martinez' fantasy football team is dead last in his church's annual league, having gone 0-13 so far this year. The rest of the men at…

U.S.—Bible scholars revealed Thursday they've discovered the true identity of the swarm of locusts in the book of Revelation: Twitter. The panel of experts confirmed that through rigorous contextual study, they've come to the conclusion…

MT VERNON, MO—Wrapping up the series that began during the Vietnam War, Reformed minister Michael L. Foster preached the final sermon in his brief, 47-year-long study on the book of Romans Sunday morning. The last message was a short,…

Junior High Boy Becomes Staunch Biblical Literalist After Discovering 'Holy Kiss' Passage APACHE JUNCTION, AZ—Local junior higher Seth Overstreet announced Sunday morning he is now a staunch biblical literalist after discovering Paul's…

U.S.—What do you do with that pesky Old Testament sitting in the back of your Bible? The one you desperately need to unhitch yourself from? Pastor and author Andy Stanley has long advocated Christians distancing themselves from the first…