Scripture

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The city of Washington has declared a state of emergency after the Almighty condemned the city, being unable to find ten righteous people anywhere near the nation's capital. Senator Ben Sasse attempted to intercede for the…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Settling years of Christian debate, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg confirmed in an interview Tuesday that the earth was created in a literal six days about 6,000 years ago. Ginsburg claimed she witnessed the…

U.S.—A horde of demons known as "Legion" begged the Lord to cast them out of a hysterical mob of outraged liberals and into the abyss during a violent protest Monday morning. Upon realizing they were trapped in the liberals they had…

Banned From Playing Violent Video Games, Local Kid Settles For Reading Old Testament MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After his parents banned him from playing violent video games, local 7-year-old Liam Connor reluctantly decided to open his Bible and read…

IRAQ—Archaelogists working to unearth the ruins of ancient Babylon confirmed a fascinating discovery Tuesday morning: a giant chocolate bunny. The large chocolate treat is thought to have been worshiped by Babylonians, who may have tried to…

Bible Study Leader Just Taking Wild Stab At Meaning Of Symbols In Book Of Revelation Brought to you by   BELLEFONTAINE, OH—According to reports from Redeemer Church, teacher Lance Trenton was clearly "just taking a wild stab" at the…

U.S.—According to several reliable conservative websites nobody has ever heard of, a team of historians confirmed Friday the discovery of new documents that suggest George Soros may have funded Judas' betrayal of Jesus of Nazareth. The new…

FBI Investigation Implicates Entire World: 'There Is None Righteous, No, Not One' WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the results of the FBI investigation were revealed to United States senators Thursday, they grimly began to announce to their constituents…

U.S.—According to Bible scholars, the Book of Life mentioned in Revelation is now thought to simply contain a comprehensive cross-denominational statement on social justice put forth by leading evangelicals. It’s not clear which statement…

U.S.—A new report by the Bible Scholars of America found that Adam and Eve were actually punished for eating the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden because the fruit was genetically modified. The new evidence suggests the rule against…