Scripture

ISRAEL — King Solomon really broke out the romance, telling his wife today that he truly thinks of her as one in a thousand."I really mean that," said King Solomon. "Though honestly, your neck stands out so much from the others, I'm going…

ISRAEL — Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the final remains of Sodom and Gomorrah's beloved Target store."You could still make out the display for tuck-friendly tunics," said Dr. Sally Mcneil. "It's clear these perverted…

EDEN — Forgetting the famous saying about leaves of three, Adam came to the horrible realization that something was terribly wrong with his first leafy covering."Good gracious, this thing itches," said Adam, before the old adage about…

IRAQ — According to sources, the prophet Ezekiel is absolutely kicking himself for not thinking to patent a recipe for sprouted flourless bread prepared over cow dung because he imagined no one in their right mind would want to eat it."This…

EAST OF EDEN — After watching his wife unwrap a present from every human on the face of the earth, Adam started to become suspicious that Eve had made up this whole "Mother's Day" celebration."It just seems a bit contrived," said Adam.…

ISRAEL — After collecting twelve baskets of leftover food from Jesus' miraculous feeding of the five-thousand, the disciples asked the kid who brought fish and loaves if perhaps his mom could pack wings and nachos next time."Kid, just think…

THE ARK — After two weeks sailing upon the flood waters in the ark, Noah began to think that bringing the woodpeckers along may have been a bad idea."Another hole?? Dang woodpeckers," growled Noah, patching a puncture in the ark's hull.…

ISRAEL — Scholars now believe that David's filthy headshot on Goliath was aided by years of practice playing Call Of Duty."According to Scripture, Goliath had been camping in one spot for forty days like a total noob," said Old Testament…

PEPPATOWN - Peppa Pig's family vacation took an unexpected turn for the worse after Jesus of Nazareth healed a nearby demoniac."Mommy Pig, why is Auntie Pig screaming and running into the sea?" asked Peppa Pig. "Oh wow, George Pig! How did…

U.S. — Bible scholars now believe the verse in Genesis about people being naked and without shame was a prophecy about Walmart customers."The ancient prophecy has come to pass," said theologian Bart Harmon as he surveyed his local Walmart.…