Scripture

JERSEY SHORE, NJ — With a wedding hanging in the balance after running out of booze, Satan stepped up to miraculously turn water into Bud Light."Wow - thanks, Satan!" exclaimed the groom happily. "Can you pour a glass for the other…

IRAQ — The detailed prophetic dreams of King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon can likely be attributed to an overindulgence of Funyuns and Mountain Dew Baja Blast just before bedtime, say experts.Scholars believe the evidence is undeniable now…

SYRIA — Newly discovered texts from ancient Mesopotamia revealed a Levitical law that any woman who shops at Target will be deemed ritually unclean for a period of seven days."The woman who has crossed the threshold of Target must confess…

Every year, Southern Baptist life centers briefly around the annual convention. As I noted in a previous “Baptist insider” article for The Federalist, the denomination technically only exists for the two days of this convention. As such,…

ISRAEL — King Solomon really broke out the romance, telling his wife today that he truly thinks of her as one in a thousand."I really mean that," said King Solomon. "Though honestly, your neck stands out so much from the others, I'm going…

ISRAEL — Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the final remains of Sodom and Gomorrah's beloved Target store."You could still make out the display for tuck-friendly tunics," said Dr. Sally Mcneil. "It's clear these perverted…

EDEN — Forgetting the famous saying about leaves of three, Adam came to the horrible realization that something was terribly wrong with his first leafy covering."Good gracious, this thing itches," said Adam, before the old adage about…

IRAQ — According to sources, the prophet Ezekiel is absolutely kicking himself for not thinking to patent a recipe for sprouted flourless bread prepared over cow dung because he imagined no one in their right mind would want to eat it."This…

EAST OF EDEN — After watching his wife unwrap a present from every human on the face of the earth, Adam started to become suspicious that Eve had made up this whole "Mother's Day" celebration."It just seems a bit contrived," said Adam.…

ISRAEL — After collecting twelve baskets of leftover food from Jesus' miraculous feeding of the five-thousand, the disciples asked the kid who brought fish and loaves if perhaps his mom could pack wings and nachos next time."Kid, just think…