semen

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Calling it a breakthrough product for anyone not wishing to become pregnant, medical technology giant Johnson & Johnson announced plans Thursday to bring to market a hormone-free IUD that wards off sperm with a steady…

Start SlideshowWhile pleasuring oneself can be fun, sometimes it can be beneficial to remove your hand from your pants and give your overworked genitals a break. Here are all the hidden health benefits of refusing to…

STOCKHOLM—Utilizing one of the Scandinavian country’s generous social masturbator programs, the Swedish government gave resident Henrik Svensson six months’ paternity leave Thursday for busting a huge load. “Upon notification that Mr.…

CLEVELAND—Explaining that he had no way of transporting it to the drop-off location even if he wanted to, local man Jason Gardner told reporters he spent Tuesday calling around looking for a donation center that would come and pick up…

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Start SlideshowAmid their constant concern that the feminization of society is causing a decline in male fertility, The Onion asked men’s rights activists to explain how they increase their sperm count, and this is what they…

Around one in three Americans say they have used fertility treatments or know someone who has in the effort to successfully conceive a child, but there are many considerations that go into choosing a fertility treatment that’s right for…

Maybe it’s because of that intoxicating contrast of the sterile test tube with the incredible fertility of your seed, the naughty nature of knowing that other people know you’re masturbating, or simply the phallic imagery of the test tube,…

A new drug that temporarily paralyzes sperm for more than two hours was found to be 100% effective in preventing pregnancy in lab mice and resulted in no adverse side effects, paving the way for a possible on-demand oral contraceptive for…

WASHINGTON—Realizing there were only hours left before the big moment, the U.S. populace reportedly kicked into overdrive Tuesday as it frantically prepared for romantic ejaculation. “Hurry up! Light the candles, arrange the flowers—it’s…