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WASHINGTON—Saying their numbers had been blocked so showing up unannounced was their only option, several concerned sources confirmed this week that the nation’s ex-boyfriends were drunk as hell. “Babe, please, I promise I didn’t mean…

TACOMA, WA—Saying “Sure, man, let’s do it” in response to the suggestion he select a model that cost $750 more, local insecure prick Brent Linsky was immediately talked into an upgrade Monday, according to sources at an area Best Buy. “I’m…

NEW YORK—Noting that seeing another photograph of the disgraced crypto entrepreneur is just a part of life at this point, a report released Friday confirmed that here is Sam Bankman-Fried’s stupid little face again. “Guess everyone has to…

WASHINGTON—Noting that there were still so many lives to be lost, so much pain to be inflicted, and so much blood to be shed, a new report published Monday by researchers at American University found that when there could be an all-out war,…

SPOKANE, WA—No longer able to suppress their percolating irritation with the self-described “culinary prodigy,” local couple Kevin Cochran and Tina Hayes reportedly ended their mutual silent treatment Thursday to bond over their shared…

Start SlideshowWhile acknowledging their existence or uttering a single word isn’t recommended, here is what you should definitely never say to your freshmen-year roommate.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext Slide“Is it all right if I cremate…