sleep

OAKVILLE, ONT – Christine Magee, co-founder and president of Sleep Country Canada, has admitted she no longer agrees with the implied answer to her company’s jingle. “Since the beginning Sleep Country Canada’s only goal has been to…

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Brantford, ON – This morning adorable toddler Liam O’Reilly, 3, declared that Daylight Saving Time was a fucking joke and he would arise at his normal hour, even if that was technically now in the middle of the night. “Daylight Saving Time…

M. Night Shyamalan is back with a new thriller that blurs the line between fiction and reality as we, the audience, start to question whether we are living on some sort of plain that makes one age fast, or if we are simply exhausted and…

Minden Hills, ON – Local man Jacob Hall claims to love reading, but actually just loves falling asleep with a book on his chest. “Whether it’s sci-fi, fantasy or non-fiction, I just love how opening a book can transport you anywhere,” said…

Dartmouth, NS – A millennial woman has been horrified to discover that she just wakes up early now, all on her own. Brittany Austin, 31, made the frightening discovery last weekend, when she attempted to sleep off her sixty-hour workweek.…

MONTREAL – The nation’s top sleep researchers made a joint statement earlier today announcing that they too have no goddamn idea what to do with their arms when trying to sleep. Dr. Fran McMatton of McGill University told the press that…