snack foods

TAOS, NM—Returning the snacks to the cupboard a few bites before everything in his life would have fallen into place, local man Mario Rossi stopped one Oreo short of successfully eating away all of his problems, sources reported Wednesday.…

SOUTH BEND, IN—Concluding from the name of the product that the wool had long been pulled over their eyes, astute consumers reported Thursday that the appearance of new Cheez-It Extra Cheesy crackers served as a tacit acknowledgment that…

MINONG, WI—Saying the product was only for those truly serious about feeding their wild side, beef snack purveyor Jack Link’s announced Friday it had begun selling a new, extra-tough barbed jerky, reportedly its most indigestible processed…

SAN FRANCISCO—Musing aloud about what he must have done for things to turn out the way they did, local man Kyle Swarz told reporters Wednesday he was reflecting on where he went wrong in life to deserve the worst-looking chocolate chip…

‘Obviously, We Didn’t Deliver On Tortilla Chips The Way We Should Have And For That We’re Sorry’PLANO, TX—Following an uncharacteristic lapse in rolling out new products, the Tostitos brand director reportedly apologized Friday for “phoning…