Soccer

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SEATTLE—Following a local mid-afternoon match among friends who could not explain the unknown player’s fleeting, mysterious presence, sources confirmed Friday that an Argentinian guy had materialized during a pickup soccer game and scored a…

Start SlideshowSeveral states recently passed laws legalizing genital inspections for trans children who wish to play sports in school. The Onion asked conservatives why they support state-sanctioned genital inspections for minors, and this…

FORT WAYNE, IN—In a move that would completely derail the contest through a toxic combination of resentment and hubris, a stranger whose unachieved athletic goals would ruin a pickup game at a local community basketball court Wednesday…

While it’s best to avoid engaging with them at all, if you must talk to someone who is a member of “Chiefs Nation,” here are things you should never say.Advertisement2 / 20“How’d they manage to become as despised as the Patriots so…

Twelve years ago on Jan. 8, 2011, the American sports industrial complex was finally and fully revealed to be mostly a sham. The New Orleans Saints, defending Super Bowl champions, arrived in Seattle with a record of 11-5, two wins too few…

QATAR – As the World Cup enters its final phase, FIFA and Qatar have issued a joint statement that the last 7 teams knocked out of the tournament will be required to take the stadium in which they lost back to their home country. “We think…

TORONTO – Hardcore soccer fan Ethan Weir will be protesting the 2022 World Cup by shaking his head and tsk-ing while he watches every minute of the tournament. “Between the horrific abuse that migrant workers endured to build the…

TORONTO – With Canada’s Men’s Soccer Team beating Jamaica 4-0 in a qualifying match, the entire nation is reportedly curious to discover what this so-called “World Cup” is that they’ve heard tell about for years. “We’re just so excited to…

One of the greatest seasons for Americans is the transition from August to September. This year, the high of being the clear victor of the 2021 Olympics is still fresh and we’re channeling it straight into the start of football…