social issues

WASHINGTON—In an effort to stymie record-high crossings at the nation’s southern border, the U.S. Senate put forward a new bipartisan immigration bill Monday that would only let in migrants who were accompanied by a group of hot girls.…

COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to make the streets safer through arbitrary killings, the State of Ohio began executing random people Monday in the hopes they were criminals. “You have to assume at least some of the residents we are hanging and…

Start SlideshowPublic shaming of individuals over minor or major social transgressions has grown into a massive component of internet discourse, with its share of supporters and detractors. The Onion takes a deep dive into the effects of…

ATMORE, AL—In an effort to make capital punishment more cost-efficient, a cash-strapped Alabama Department of Corrections confirmed Friday it had carried out the nation’s first execution by lawn mower. “As of last night, the state has…

Despite both the Supreme Court and the Biden administration ordering the removal of razor wire along the U.S.-Mexico border, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has pledged to continue installing it. The Onion asked Texans why they support the…

After an Alabama man was put to death with nitrogen gas in what was described as a lengthy and agonizing execution, many have criticized this method of capital punishment as inhumane. Others, however, think the procedure is in line with…

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Start SlideshowDuring a recent interview, Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley said that America had “never been a racist country.” The Onion asked Americans why our history has always been color-blind, and this is what they…

STOCKHOLM—Utilizing one of the Scandinavian country’s generous social masturbator programs, the Swedish government gave resident Henrik Svensson six months’ paternity leave Thursday for busting a huge load. “Upon notification that Mr.…

WASHINGTON—Saying the country’s entire adult population would automatically be entered for a chance to win, officials at the U.S. Census Bureau announced Thursday that one lucky American would get to be 16 years old again. “Starting…