songs

Oliver Anthony’s viral song “Rich Men North of Richmond” is clever on several levels. First, there’s the wordplay between “rich men” and “Richmond.” Second, there’s the district north of Richmond, one not known for its relative poverty, but…

SEDGWICK, KS—Calling it the main driver of business, job creation, and tax revenue for the municipality, the mayor of Sedgwick, KS, told reporters Monday that the small town’s economy was wholly dependent on cars that made a wrong turn…

NEW YORK—Concluding a protracted legal battle in which the popular singer-songwriter stood accused of plagiarism, a federal jury found Thursday that singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran did not infringe upon anyone’s intellectual property with his…

SUNRISE, FL—Admitting that even the most incredible trips had to come to an end, local Aerosmith fan Tara Andrade, 67, told reporters Tuesday that she was sad this would be the last time she’d be giving Steven Tyler head after a concert.…

BRIDGEWATER, PA—Whisking him back to the seemingly endless hours he spent on lockdown all those years ago, a shooting Thursday at the office of Keystone Accountants reportedly made local tax preparer Josh Elias, 30, nostalgic for his…

PLAINS, GA—Remarking that his decision to undergo the initial procedure had perhaps been made in haste, former President Jimmy Carter, 98, announced Tuesday that he had gotten his recent vasectomy reversed. “I regret closing that door as…

CHICAGO—Sending the region’s 68 million residents into a state of alarm, confusion, and panic, the American midwest was reportedly battered by beautiful weather Thursday. “We’re talking about unrelenting blue skies and a light breeze you…

PALM BEACH, FL—Sheepishly approaching their stepmom after hearing about their father’s indictment, the Trump boys reportedly asked Melania Trump Thursday if they’d be getting a new daddy now. “Since our daddy is going away, do we have to…

GLENDALE, AZ—After the pop sensation’s much-anticipated Eras Tour kicked off with a pair of shows in Arizona, sources confirmed this week that the first Taylor Swift concert in more than three years was attended solely by old-money…

On this International Women’s Day, The Onion devotes its sterling reportage to championing women—a small but influential sliver of the nation’s population—in an endeavor to prevent them from vanishing from the public consciousness…