Sports

BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous other politicians discovered years ago: aligning yourself with Trump…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a long-awaited move that signaled a turning point in the war against evil and lawlessness, the U.S. State Department announced that it had officially classified the Los Angeles Dodgers as a terrorist organization.The…

LITTLE ROCK, AR — Local man Dennis Walters finally realized that the reason people play hockey is because it allows them to legally punch a Canadian directly in the face.Puzzled for years as to why people would skate around in freezing…

MONTREAL — Hockey fans of the soon-to-be 51st state of America booed when their future National Anthem was played last night.In a seemingly prophetic outcome, the loser nation currently known as "Canada" then got absolutely smoked by their…

PHILADELPHIA—Looking dead-eyed into the distance as it slowly dawned on him what he had done, a visibly distraught Jalen Carter reportedly fled the Eagles Super Bowl celebration Friday after commandeering a parade float. “Oh, goddamn it,…

OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action. “I always thought curling was just an excuse to get plastered,” said 43-year-old…

FLORHAM PARK, NJ — A changing of the guard was on the horizon in the NFL, as the New York Jets announced that the team had officially decided to keep losing all their games but without quarterback Aaron Rodgers.The Jets struggled to win…

MONTREAL – As Team Canada gets set to play its first game in the inaugural 4 Nations Face-Off, fans across the country are ready to either celebrate a generation-defining victory or dismiss a totally meaningless defeat in a Mickey Mouse…

In New Orleans on Sunday, the Kansas City Chiefs made history — just not the kind of history they had in mind. The Philadelphia Eagles spectacularly thwarted the Chiefs’ attempt to become the first team to win three straight Super Bowls.…

NEW ORLEANS, LA — The Philadelphia Eagles were flagged for roughing the passer before the Super Bowl even got underway, receiving a 15-yard penalty for shaking Patrick Mahomes' hand too hard after the coin toss.The flag came out when the…