Sports

RENO, NV—Pointing up at the sky as he landed a bank shot, local basketball player Alan Jennings credited Kobe Bryant for inspiring him to score a career-high four points in his rec league game Thursday night. “Kobe’s dedication taught me…

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LAS VEGAS — San Franciscans continued crapping in the streets to honor the incredible way in which the 49ers so epically crapped the bed."This is what we deserve!!" shouted Christian McCaffrey as he dumped an entire jug of poo onto Coach…

LAS VEGAS—Following a longstanding team tradition, members of the Kansas City Chiefs celebrated their Super Bowl LVIII win Sunday by pouring a vat of hot fryer grease over head coach Andy Reid. Sources confirmed that Reid, who has now led…

LAS VEGAS — Instead of a concert, Usher surprised the nation by using the Super Bowl halftime show to perform a live commercial for Old Spice antiperspirant."Are you someone who gets absolutely drenched with sweat after thirty seconds of…

LAS VEGAS—Noting that the dazzling Super Bowl performances had been fun but largely antithetical to the competition, sources confirmed Sunday that yet another field goal had been blocked by Cirque Du Soleil performers doing acrobatics on a…

LAS VEGAS—Panicked about their entire team potentially missing kickoff at the Super Bowl, the Kansas City Chiefs reportedly had to walk six miles to the game Sunday after their bus driver refused to pay $125 for stadium parking. “I mean, I…

Start SlideshowWhy spend your hard-earned money on your family when you could piss it away on trivial bets totally unrelated to sports at all? Here are The Onion’s picks for the best prop bets for Super Bowl LVIII.AdvertisementPrevious…

Start SlideshowTest your knowledge of one of the winningest football franchises in recent history by passing this quiz on the Kansas City Chiefs.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideQ: Where do the Kansas City Chiefs play their home games?…

Between fans eager to see the spectacle of Vegas, Taylor Swift’s possible attendance, the star-studded halftime lineup, and the game itself, Super Bowl LVIII ticket prices have been driven up to a median of $8,776 per ticket and demand is…