Sports

FLUSHING, NY — Singer Derek Carter delivered an incredible rendition of the National Anthem today by simply singing the song exactly as it was written."Absolute perfection," said witness Terrance Simms. "Turns out the key is to just, like,…

SEATTLE, WA — In a statement delivered to a line of 100 drivers who had been stuck behind him for the past 3 hours, local bicyclist Florian Skuzz said that he wants to be treated just like a car on the road, but also to just kinda be able…

NOBLESVILLE, IN—Following his team’s 27-13 victory over the Philadelphia Eagles, local Indianapolis Colts fan Ian McDonaugh told reporters that he wouldn’t usually read into a preseason game but this one is different. “Yeah, yeah, I know…

EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of several turbulent weeks in which multiple former players filed lawsuits against the school and head coach Pat Fitzgerald was fired, Northwestern Wildcats fans reportedly expressed hope Friday that a massive…

Sha’Carri Richardson won the women’s 100-meter world title and set a new championship record in the process, two years after she tested positive for cannabis and was barred from competing in the Tokyo Olympics. What do you think?“It’s a…

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College football starts its season this weekend, with a partial slate of games ahead of a full launch over the Labor Day weekend. It’s the start of a season that will begin undoubtedly the biggest transition in the sport’s history. …

HEAVEN - The God of the Universe shouted in excited shock today as a batter pointed directly at Him after belting a home run."The Lord was so stoked," said Michael the Archangel. "What a prime time shoutout!"According to sources, God…

MOSCOW—Warning that President Volodymyr Zelensky should think carefully about the repercussions of changing his country’s college football conference alignment, Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly vowed retaliation Friday should…

LONDON—Interviews with fans of the team ahead of their finals match against Spain reportedly found that England’s Women’s World Cup success was inspiring a new generation of young girls to become hooligans. “Watching those ladies kick ass…