Sports

TORONTO – Long-time competitors TSN and Sportsnet are continuing their years-long battle to see who can provide the lowest quality online streaming option for Canadians still willing to pay to watch sports live. “TSN and Sportsnet have been…

Brittney Griner of the United States in action with Ezinne Kalu of Nigeria during a women’s basketball game at Saitama Super Arena in Saitama, Japan, July 27, 2021. (Brian Snyder/Reuters) The Russian Federal Customs Service announced…

NEW YORK, NY—After televising the Winter 2022 Olympics for literally hundreds of U.S. viewers, NBC has announced plans to send full coverage of the Olympic Games straight to VHS. “This plan to send the 2022 Olympics straight to VHS should…

Michigan State’s head basketball coach Tom Izzo had some choice words for the talking heads calling for the end of the handshake line at the conclusion of sports games, but his analysis of American culture is what is really turning heads.…

In lane four, Lia Thomas takes a commanding lead in a preliminary race on Saturday. (Isaac Schorr) Boston — Lia Thomas, the transgender University of Pennsylvania swimmer competing on the women’s team after competing on the men’s team…

ORLAND PARK, IL—Sources have confirmed local Christian John Madinsky is severely disappointed he has nothing to look forward to on Sundays, now that the NFL football season is over. Madinsky says he wishes there were some kind of…

BOSTON, MA—Dozens of swimmers are dead and thousands of viewers have been traumatized as a Great White Shark named Tia was allowed to compete in the women's 500-yard freestyle event at the Ivy League Swimming & Diving Championships…

NEW YORK, NY—NBC Sports reported a dramatic decline in ratings for their Winter Olympics programming, earning them the coveted gold medal for Olympic Ratings Dive. Chairman Pete Bevacqua of NBC Sports proudly accepted the medal on behalf of…

Baseball has long been referred to as America's pastime, but the MLB's ratings have been going down. Sad! To try and spice things up and lure in more viewers, the league has decided to completely break the game by changing all the…

BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.” “Between two and a half years of COVID and all these fucking protestors I’m at my goddamn…