spotify

STOCKHOLM — Spotify founder and CEO Daniel Ek called a press conference today to announce a new feature of the music streaming site’s premium subscription tier, namely the option for users to remove food from the stomachs of the musicians…

Regina, SK – Local man Michael Edugyan has realized that the 3 year old toddler seated near him at this restaurant is better at using her iPad than he is at doing everything in his life. “I noticed how good she was at controlling this…

Stockholm, Sweden – After Neil Young has made headlines for removing his music from Spotify in protest of Joe Rogan’s COVID misinformation, Vanilla Ice has removed his music in the hopes someone will notice. “I’m really hoping to get some…

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – After musicians protested Spotify’s $100 million deal with podcaster Joe Rogan, despite his spreading COVID misinformation, the streamer reported a loss of $4 billion which will delay them from paying out the week’s…

It looks dirty, and it’s doing a weird thing with its wings. Hear why it would be best if you just didn’t go near it.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a patron of The Onion today: Get…

It’s an awe-inspiring scientific advancement, but is it ethical? Hear why critics say these geneticists shouldn’t be playing God on God by making God.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a…

Hear why, when they snap their fingers, you will make the sound a donkey makes.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a patron of The Onion today: Get access to exclusive content and experiences…

Hear why authorities now believe the suspect stalked the 4-year-old buck for several hours before shooting him in the chest.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a patron of The Onion today:…

Hear why scrambling DHS officials are calling the missing folder “no big deal,” but they would really like to find it.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a patron of The Onion today: Get…

And they weren’t even playing with it right. Hear why these dead children apparently thought it would be a good idea to ruin the fun for everyone else.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a…