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Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird

It looks dirty, and it’s doing a weird thing with its wings. Hear why it would be best if you just didn’t go near it.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a patron of The Onion today: Get…

Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

It’s an awe-inspiring scientific advancement, but is it ethical? Hear why critics say these geneticists shouldn’t be playing God on God by making God.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a…

Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan

Hear why authorities now believe the suspect stalked the 4-year-old buck for several hours before shooting him in the chest.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a patron of The Onion today:…

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids

And they weren’t even playing with it right. Hear why these dead children apparently thought it would be a good idea to ruin the fun for everyone else.The Onion is creating The Topical, America's Only Daily News Podcast | PatreonBecome a…

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