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Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito and his wife, Martha-Ann, recently came under fire when it was revealed they had flown an upside-down American flag at a time when this was known to be a symbol of the “Stop the Steal” movement. Here’s a…

The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously sided with Starbucks in a challenge to a lower court ruling that tried to force the coffee chain to rehire employees fired for actions taken during their attempt to unionize. The decision marks a major…

ANAHEIM, CA—Hearing a sigh as the car turned into the crowded parking lot of the Australian-themed chain restaurant, sources confirmed Thursday that local mom Dana Oliver only liked the other Outback Steakhouse, the one over by the…

AdvertisementCuffing season, which typically begins around October, is a magical time of year when lonely, horny Americans rush to shack up with each other and fuck until spring. The Onion asked people how they are celebrating this…

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EVANSTON, IL—Describing the objects with great affection, local middle school teacher Sasha Morrison told reporters Tuesday that she had formed a strong bond with the things that do standardized tests. “These little implements of filling in…

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WASHINGTON—Following weeks of uncertainty as a leaderless U.S. House of Representatives failed to reach a consensus, the dust finally settled Wednesday as Mike Johnson was officially named house speaker, president, pope, supreme court…

EVERYWHERE—As the influence of the nation’s transgender individuals continues to encroach on the freedoms of the U.S. populace, sources confirmed Tuesday that increasingly powerful trans person Tori Randall is now capable of using every…

Start SlideshowWhether it’s the crisp air, changing leaves, or seasonal beverages, autumn is popular with the Caucasian ladies. The Onion asked white women to explain why they love fall, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious…