starbucks

Former biotech executive Vivek Ramaswamy has recently been placing third in polls for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. The Onion tells you what you need to know about Vivek Ramawsamy.This Week's Most Viral News: August 11,…

“I boycott any company that tramples on the rights of Americans, whether it’s Bud Light, Walmart, Ford, Tesla, Amazon, McDonald’s, Halliburton, Circle K, basically the entire hotel industry, the vast majority of hospitals, and almost…

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SEATTLE—Calling his motivations “beyond transparent,” sources at Starbucks headquarters confirmed Wednesday that CEO Howard Schultz was clearly only coming into the building to use the bathroom. “He clogged the toilet, stuffed some sugar…

While TikTok remains the most popular social media platform among today’s youth, many critics accuse the Chinese government of using it as a tool to spy on Americans. The Onion asked several prominent politicians why the app should be…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to expand her professional network, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly asked a White House communications assistant Tuesday if she could take them out for coffee and pick their brain sometime. “I’ve always been…

While European companies have begun experimenting with four-day workweeks, American companies have yet to adopt the practice. The Onion asked American CEOs to explain why they oppose a shorter workweek, and this is what they…

Owen Sound, ON – Management of a local Coffee Time has asked that all staff pretend that the cobwebs currently coating stationary objects were put there for the Halloween season, as opposed to a regular feature of the chain. “Yeah, It…

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz placed blame on woke elected officials in Democrat-run cities for the abrupt closure of 16 stores located primarily on the West Coast. On Tuesday, The Wall Street Journal was the first to report that six…

Mississauga, ON – This week marks a major milestone in local woman Caitlyn Donahue’s life, as she celebrates two years of the COVID-19 pandemic – A.K.A. the longest relationship of her life. “I was really starting to worry that something…