statesoftheunitedstates

A Scottish ultramarathon runner who initially finished third in a 50-mile race in England was disqualified after officials discovered she had traveled in a car for a section of the course. What do you think?“Too many rules can ruin a…

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MUSTIQUE ISLAND, WEST INDIES—Expressing gratitude for a chance to finally get away from their hectic lives and actually relax for once, wealthy couple George and Jillian Wheelan told reporters Thursday they were taking a real vacation for…

Start SlideshowWith the fentanyl crisis continuing to spiral out of control in the United States, The Onion asked prominent Republicans and business leaders how they would get the deadly drug off the street, and this is what they…

SAN FRANCISCO—Saying this was by far the best option given their financial situation, San Francisco real estate agent Harry Evans reportedly showed a couple earning a sub-six-figure salary Wednesday around the neighborhood’s best tent city.…

CHICAGO—Moments after conceding to his opponent Brandon Johnson in Tuesday’s mayoral runoff, defeated candidate Paul Vallas announced his plan to open a new charter Chicago. “Established with a generous donation from an anonymous…

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an ongoing effort to protect children from sexually explicit scenes, Gov. Ron DeSantis banned births in the state of Florida on Tuesday, citing the need to protect impressionable infants from exposure to vaginas. “No…

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Touting the nutrition plan as a way to keep children alert and engaged during the school day, Gov. Ron DeSantis announced Thursday that he would be overseeing a new program offering Florida students free force-fed meals.…

A 50-year-old California man has been certified a Guinness World Record holder after visiting Disneyland nearly 2,995 times in a row, with his streak beginning in 2012 and ending when the park closed for the pandemic in 2020. What do you…

EAST PALESTINE, OH—Stressing that there was nothing to worry about in the wake of a derailment of a train carrying the toxic chemical vinyl sulfide, Ohio officials pointed at a glass of water at a press conference Tuesday to assure…