Steve Scalise

MILWAUKEE — Chuck Fleischmann and the team had just wrapped up a good practice on a suburban, D.C. baseball field when a killer came calling. The representative for Tennessee’s 3rd congressional district and his teammates suddenly…

WASHINGTON—Calling the theft a profound wake-up call amid a nationwide epidemic of drug abuse, Congress passed bipartisan legislation to address the opioid crisis Wednesday after their addict cousin Clem stole their Xbox Series X. “Today,…

In his appearance Sunday on NBC News’ “Meet the Press,” embattled U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas did what any failed political leader possessing little integrity and less self-awareness would do: He blamed others for…

Start SlideshowThe House recently passed a Republican-led resolution declaring that anti-Zionism is antisemitism. The Onion asked politicians why criticizing Israel should be illegal, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious…

After losing to Democrats in several key elections, several high-profile Republicans have begun calling for RNC chairwoman Ronna McDaniel to resign. The Onion asked conservative public figures why McDaniel should be ousted from her…

In a recently surfaced video from 2022, House Speaker Mike Johnson reveals that he and his son use anti-porn software to monitor and eliminate each other’s temptations to view erotica and sexually explicit material. The Onion asked porn…

Start SlideshowWhile it’s common knowledge that citizens have very little influence on elected officials, The Onion asked U.S. politicians how their constituents feel about a ceasefire in Gaza, and this is what they said.…

Start SlideshowWith the Palestinian death toll rapidly rising and conditions in Gaza deteriorating into a humanitarian crisis amid the Israeli invasion, The Onion asked politicians why they will not endorse a ceasefire, and this is what…

Start SlideshowNewly elected House Speaker Mike Johnson of Louisiana was a vocal supporter of Donald Trump’s efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election. The Onion asked House Republicans why they unanimously selected an election…

WASHINGTON—Following weeks of uncertainty as a leaderless U.S. House of Representatives failed to reach a consensus, the dust finally settled Wednesday as Mike Johnson was officially named house speaker, president, pope, supreme court…