superbowl

NEW YORK—In an effort to help the team that recently traded for him, quarterback Aaron Rodgers is said to have urged the New York Jets to trade all of their draft picks Thursday after his numerological study revealed terrible omens.…

WOOSTER, OH—With the Cincinnati Bengals quarterback’s future uncertain going into the final year of his contract, one local fan reportedly made his position clear Thursday: “I hope Joe Burrow takes a team-friendly deal,” said sales rep Matt…

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN reportedly encouraged their readers to debate a new list the site published Wednesday, declaring that the Baltimore Ravens topped their way-too-late 2012 NFL Power Rankings. “Sure, in 2023 it might seem way overdue to be…

The Kansas City Chiefs captured their second championship in four seasons after Harrison Butker kicked the game-winning field goal of Super Bowl LVII to secure a 38-35 win over the Philadelphia Eagles.What do you think?“There’s nothing…

NEW YORK—Promoting the car manufacturer as the only way out of this hellhole, Sunday night’s top Super Bowl ad featured Paul Rudd urging Americans to get a Chevrolet pickup and drive it far away from their grim and dying nation. “Hop in the…

GLENDALE, AZ—A report published immediately following the Kansas City Chiefs’ win over the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LVII confirmed this was the last time a Chiefs Super Bowl victory would be enjoyable. “While even casual football…

GLENDALE, AZ—Calling timeout and coming to the aid of the team’s visibly ailing head coach during Super Bowl LVII, Kansas City Chiefs medical staff helped a critically hungry Andy Reid into the sideline meat-smoking tent. “After a member of…

GLENDALE, AZ—Reflecting on what his return to the sport’s highest stage meant to him as Super Bowl LVII got under way, Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid admitted Sunday that he could still taste his last Super Bowl victory in his…

CHICAGO—Exposing the ulterior motives behind the vast majority of commercials airing on the night of the most-watched game in America, a report published this week by University of Chicago researchers revealed that 84% of Super Bowl ads…

GLENDALE, AZ—In response to the opening kickoff at Super Bowl LVII, sports broadcaster Kevin Burkhardt announced Sunday that “The men, they begin their brutal clash, and we—we cheer their broken bodies.” “Titans of the human form here…