supreme court of the united states

BUTNER, NC—In their latest attempt to have the “Ignition (Remix)” singer’s 2022 conviction for child pornography overturned, attorneys for disgraced R&B star R. Kelly petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court on Monday to watch him pee. “Today…

President Joe Biden called for sweeping changes to the Supreme Court, including a constitutional amendment that would limit immunity for presidents, impose term limits for justices, and stipulate an enforceable code of ethics. What do you…

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has introduced impeachment articles against Supreme Court Justices Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito for failure to disclose gifts and recuse themselves from certain cases. The Onion explores the pros and…

WASHINGTON—Admitting that he had never been more conflicted about a ruling in his life, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was reportedly torn Monday over a case in which both sides offered compelling scuba trips. “While there’s a strong…

WASHINGTON—Denying that recent events in his personal life would in any way hamper his ability to judge impartially, Justice QAnon Shaman came under fire Friday for refusing to recuse himself from two Jan. 6-related cases. “Despite claims…

WASHINGTON—Telling Americans that they must act now to avoid losing out on the chance of a lifetime, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas announced at a press conference Monday a 50% discount on all favorable rulings. “Today and today…

Let’s be real. If you were one of the nine most important jurists in the country—a person whose ethical judgment and perceived moral compass were responsible for the fates of literally hundreds of millions of people—you too would have…

“It’s already too big, if you ask me. After all, the Power Rangers only had five people. I guess technically six, if you count Tommy, the Green Ranger, who would become the White Ranger at the end of season two, but that’s still less than…

WASHINGTON—Explaining that the move just made sense given the national importance of their rulings, the six conservative justices announced Friday that they had expanded the U.S. Supreme Court to include 40 of their right-wing buddies. “The…

The Supreme Court upheld Arizona’s voting restrictions, which experts say will limit the ability of minorities to challenge state laws in the future that they say are discriminatory under the Voting Rights Act. What do you think?“If only…