Tech

AUSTIN, TX — A Tesla spokesperson announced that Elon Musk's new robot, the Tesla Optimus, has already fathered 7 baby robots. The announcement came as a shock both to Tesla and the greater engineering community."For a robot to have seven…

MENLO PARK, CA — A few weeks ago, Instagram banned Pornhub's account amid mounting evidence of nonconsensual sexual exploitative material on the account. Instagram says their decision is an integrity move due to the wide documentation of…

MIRAMAR, FL — Seeing the need to provide more affordable options for travelers affected by record inflation, Spirit Airlines has introduced a new bargain flight where they just launch you in a medieval catapult.The announcement comes at a…

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google has introduced a new ‘Most Ridiculous Route Imaginable' Button to its flagship navigation app, Google Maps. The button went live to users this afternoon."We are really excited about this feature," said Leader of…

ALEXANDRIA, LA — In an unsurprising and perfectly predictable turn of events, Aunt Alice's Facebook account was hacked again. Friends and family were notified of the third hack this year when they each received a private message from her…

Just when you thought the woke monster couldn't add another victim, it took down one of its most surprising targets yet: the Grand Theft Auto franchise. How, exactly, does a game that already mines the depths of human depravity turn itself…

PRINCE ALBERT, SK – As internet service returns to hundreds of Rogers customers nationwide, local copywriter Jack Pally’s plan to enjoy literature has been postponed yet again until the next time he has absolutely no other source of…

THE INTERNET — Humanity's suspicions were finally confirmed today, as the password bot has confessed to sometimes saying "incorrect password" on the first try just to mess with people."It's amazing I have gotten away with this as long as I…

U.S. — The advanced AI algorithm built into your phone's photo app has been studying you for years. It knows what you care about and what you think. It organizes all the people you take pictures of into categories and subcategories to help…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — NASA's James Webb space telescope team has unveiled the farthest and most massive image of deep space ever captured. In light of the success of the program, NASA has announced they will be developing an even larger space…