Tech

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In the first step toward a world blossoming with freedom of speech, Elon Musk, the proud new owner of Twitter, ordered the company’s tech team to make all tweets by Bill Gates autocorrect to say “Poopy butt.” “Poopy butt…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a sudden and unexplained change of heart, the Democrat party is now calling for the immediate regulation of Big Tech platforms, which they say have become too powerful now. "We have decided, for reasons completely…

SAN FRANCISCO – After Tesla CEO and richest man alive Elon Musk’s bid to buy controlling shares of Twitter succeeded, the app subsequently burst into flames and began ramming nearby pedestrians. The proposed deal from Musk totalled $46.5…

LOS GATOS, CALIFORNIA – The online streaming service Netflix has announced their intention to discourage different people from making use of the same account in an effort to get users to finally cut ties with the people who have been…

KITCHENER, ON – Laylah Peel, 27, recently realized after a quick text conversation with her father, Arnold Peel, that his company issued Google Pixel must only have the ability to send the thumbs up emoji and to show updates on the stock…

Brought to you by Apple has finally come out in support of the woke movement, forcing the vast majority of the population, who haven't bought fully into transgender ideology, to have pregnant man emojis on their iPhones. But Apple isn't…

VANCOUVER – Noted space vacationer and inventor of the world’s doucheiest car Elon Musk publicly criticized Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg for holding too much social and political influence at a recent TED conference. Musk, who…

WORLDWIDE: Long distance friendships around the world have been reduced to periodically sending each other “don’t fuck him” and “yeah, also not him” texts. “When I moved to Canada, my best friend and I would always be in touch. Daily…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter's board of directors has elected to block an attempt from an African American immigrant to purchase the company. According to sources, they decided they would rather destroy their own company than see it in…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A growing number of left-leaning voices are concerned about a dangerous increase in free speech if Elon Musk buys Twitter. Early reports confirm that this is because they would have to debate their opponents,…