Tech

Oh no! You just got banned from your favorite social media platform for saying something pretty much everyone agrees with! You stinker. When you are banned, and you will be, consider these seven great alternative ways to spread your…

ATLANTA, GA—After spending $3.2 trillion taxpayer dollars in search of the most effective security system available, the U.S. government announced plans to store its nuclear launch codes by broadcasting them on CNN+ where no one will ever…

TORONTO, ON – Citizens were overjoyed when earlier this week, the New York Times ranked Toronto as North America’s third-largest hub of tech douchebags, nouveau riche jerkoffs, and self-important manchildren. With Toronto hot on the heels…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Social media platform Twitter experienced an uptick in turnover in the last week ever since Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk joined the board of directors. According to sources, enraged leftists are quitting in protest,…

MEDINA, WA—Only a few days after Elon Musk purchased a 9.2% stake in Twitter, Bill Gates announced that he too will invest in social media with a 9.2% share of MySpace. "In addition to Elon, I am also quite the avid investor in…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—With Elon Musk becoming Twitter's largest stakeholder and a new member of the board of directors, many within the company are worried he may turn their free speech platform into a platform that actually allows free…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Liberals at Twitter were outraged this morning upon finding out almost 10% of their company is now owned by an African-American. Several have threatened walk-outs to protest the news. "Elon's foreigner ways…

CUPERTINO, CA—Apple, Inc. is coming out forcefully against Florida's parental rights bill, known to trans activists as the "Don't Say Gay" bill. As part of a coordinated attack on the bill, CEO Tim Cook announced that all iPhones will…

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE – Thousands of peaches rolled down Queen Street to protest their famous emoji, which they claim is a lewd depiction of their community. Demonstrators held signs with the slogan, “Fruits Not Patoots”, as well as a poster…

U.S.—Hunter Biden's laptop has been validated by major new sources and the Babylon Bee has secured an exclusive look at the Google search history therein. Our team of Beexperts has been analyzing the search history for a couple of…