Tech

BABYLON—According to sources not yet thrown into the fiery furnace, The Babylon Bee was taken by Twitter and thrown into a fiery furnace after refusing to worship the massive, gold-trimmed pride flag erected by the great Queen…

TORONTO – An engineer who graduated a full decade ago has discovered he still has a bit of purple paint behind his ear. Cole Sterling was just a bright-eyed and moderately drunk engineering student when he opted to dye his entire body…

MENLO PARK, CA—Local Facebook user Charlene Moldsmear had just posted a gentle-yet-critical post on her timeline about a rogue shopping cart denting her Buick LeSabre that morning, when a pop-up appeared, asking if she actually meant to…

MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook made waves this week after announcing they would temporarily be lifting their ban on calls to violence as long as the violence is directed towards Russians. Now in an exciting new update, Facebook will allow users to…

CUPERTINO — At today’s much anticipated Apple Event, Tim Cook stunned viewers by introducing their first-ever single-use Macbook, dubbed the Macbook Zero. During his Keynote address, Cook addressed the eager crowd of elitist nerds. “At…

CUPERTINO, CA—In an unprecedented effort to put additional pressure on Russia, Apple Inc. has announced they will be removing the entire country from Apple maps. "As far as we're concerned, Russia no longer exists on our detailed map…

U.S.—Millions of dreams were dashed overnight after former President Donald J. Trump announced that only his most faithful 144,000 followers will make it onto Truth Social. The new social media experiment spearheaded by the former…

KYIV—After successfully equipping the Ukrainians with Starlink terminals to help them access the internet amid waves of Russian cyberattacks, Elon Musk announced he was also delivering a special surprise to help Ukrainians defend their…

NATIONWIDE – Canadian heroes Vaccine Hunters Canada have changed their twitter mission, this time in search of PlayStation 5s. “Vaccine Hunters Canada was born out of an urgent need to provide Canadians with necessary, life-saving…

MOSCOW—The arms race between Russia and her enemies is escalating, as the superpower has just unveiled a tank that opens up to reveal smaller and smaller tanks. The variant of the classic T-90 tank has a groove cut right in the middle of…