Tech

PALM BEACH, FL—Sources close to Donald Trump reported him trudging from his home office and heading straight for the espresso machine for the fourth time in as many hours, as the bleary-eyed true president had stayed up all night on his…

SPRINGFIELD, ?—Dozens of Simpsons characters have come forward to condemn Apple, Google, and other mobile OS developers for including yellow as the default skin color on their keyboards. "Stop appropriating our skin!" shouted Lisa Simpson…

OTTAWA—The popular fundraising site GoFundMe has frozen funds for a local 5-year-old's heart surgery after it was discovered that the boy was a supporter of the Canadian Trucker Protest. "Make no mistake, we will never provide support…

MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook shed more than $200 billion in market value in the biggest single-day loss ever for a U.S. company after CEO Mark Zuckerberg removed his skin suit during a Zoom call with shareholders. Eyewitnesses participating in…

CALGARY – Local landscaper Peter Rugger announced today that his trusty BlackBerry device was killed in the line of duty after nearly twenty years of service and, tragically, with only one day left until its retirement. “I was taking it…

KITIMAT, BC – A cellphone owned by local Elaine Jorgensen takes great delight in deceiving its owner in how much battery power remains by shutting off at the worst time possible, regardless of how much remaining battery is displayed.…

SAN FRANSISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey has stepped down as CEO of Twitter after realizing to his horror that he helped elect Joe Biden as President. "Dear God... what have I done?" said Dorsey as he realized his manipulation and suppression of…

MENLO PARK, CA—With all his employees out of town to enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones, Mark Zuckerberg is taking the time to sit down with his virtual metaverse family and eat some virtual turkey. "Our Metaverse…

WATERLOO, ON – A local group of friends who all met working at a Second Cup in 2015 have been meaning to have a Zoom catchup since the beginning of the pandemic, and have now rescheduled for the 86th week in a row. “We’re gonna do it…

MENLO PARK, CA – Following the announcement that the corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram and Oculus has changed its name to Meta Platforms, Inc., the process which results in cancerous tumours is concerned that people will think it’s…