Tech

'NOOOOO!!!' Screams Imprisoned Elon Musk As Evil Clone Praises China, Denounces Bitcoin UNDISCLOSED—"Huh? Where am I?" billionaire Elon Musk said in a slurred voice as he awoke from a tortured rest. He winced and groaned as he felt anew the…

'He's Literally Killing People': Biden Orders Arrest Of Mass Murderer Tom From MySpace WASHINGTON, D.C.—After calling out Facebook for killing billions of people with misinformation, President Biden then turned his sights on MySpace, and…

MENLO PARK, CA—There are many dangers online, and Facebook is now making an attempt to steer people away from one of them. The social network is now trying out a new warning that will pop up and tell users when Facebook detects that…

Bill Gates Announces He Too Will Go To Space Once His Rocket Is Finished Installing Updates MEDINA, WA—With Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos finalizing plans to go to space, billionaire Bill Gates has surprised the world with an announcement…

STARBASE, TX—Entrepreneur and all-around slightly insane man Elon Musk announced today he is releasing a new Tesla model: the F-15. The all-electric fighter jet will be in production by the fall and is available for preorder now."We've…

Elon Musk Excited To Once Again Be Richest Man On Earth While Jeff Bezos Is In Space U.S.—Amazon CEO and multi-billionaire Jeff Bezos has revealed plans to go to space in his company's rocket ship on July 20th of this year. During…

KAMLOOPS, BC – Trevor Adams’ 2010 Macbook Pro is completely oblivious to the fact that, despite years of loyal service, it is currently aiding Adams’ to find its replacement. “I do feel guilty,” said Adams as he was scrolling through a…

MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook has updated its community standards today, declaring that anyone who says the COVID-19 virus wasn't developed in the lab in Wuhan will be banned for sharing fake news. Mark Zuckerberg, may he live forever, announced…

SpaceX Introduces New Reusable Rockets That Israel And Hamas Can Fire Back And Forth HAWTHORNE, CA—SpaceX announced today that they have completed testing on a revolutionary new, reusable military rocket that Israel and Hamas can keep…

MARS—Chinese state media has confirmed they have successfully landed a beautiful female rover named Zhurong on the surface of Mars. This is causing some to raise security concerns that she may enter into a relationship with…