Tech

OWEN SOUND, ON – A heartwarming scene unfolded earlier this week when nine-year-old Billy Simmons rescued a chickadee that had fallen out of its nest and gave it a crash course on non-fungible tokens. Billy’s mother, Gina Simmons, shared a…

MONTECITO, CA—From his cool, air-conditioned mansion, famed genius and internet inventor Al Gore held a press conference today where he officially banned Donald Trump from the internet. "As the inventor of the internet, I hereby declare…

Not Good: Test For Getting Into Heaven Will Be Whether You Can Plug A USB Cable In Properly On The First Try HEAVEN—A heavenly representative confirmed today that the old test of whether or not you believe in Jesus will be replaced by…

HOUSTON, TX—Now that NASA has awarded Elon Musk's SpaceX the contract to land astronauts on the moon, they are frantically working to build an actual moon for astronauts to land on. "The moon isn't real," said one anonymous NASA…

NORTH BAY, ON – On Sunday, William Herd finally closed a browser tab he had opened four years ago. The tab contained a long-read from ProPublica on what the world can expect from a Trump presidency. Herd opened the tab back in early 2017…

SAN FRANCISCO – In a heartwarming display of solidarity, the entire community of the audio-only social media platform Clubhouse have banded together to make sure that you, specifically, never get an invitation to join. “We were…

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Tech giant Google announced today that they are removing the entire state of Georgia from their Google Maps platform, effective immediately. This comes in response to the state’s recent voter law that many are calling…

BURNABY, BC – A local woman’s interest in her natal chart recently turned dangerous when the number of astrology apps on her phone reached critical mass. Skye Davis, 23, reported recently turning to astrology for “some clarity and stability…

DENVER, CO—United Airlines announced the arrival of their new, environmentally friendly single-engine Boeing 777 at a press conference Tuesday. This comes after a successful test flight on Saturday at Denver International. United said the…

CUPERTINO, CA—Apple announced at a press conference today an exciting, innovative new feature that Google's Android platform won't get until five years ago. The press cheered as the feature was unveiled, calling the technical feat that…