Tech

SASKATOON, SK – Local woman Audrey Cortland has boldly dared to voice an opinion on Twitter, because apparently she has a fucking death wish. “This past year has been incredibly difficult for everyone,” says Dr. Judd Waller, a psychiatrist…

CANBERRA, AU – As a result of the ongoing dispute between Google and the Australian government over the News Media Bargaining Code, formerly defunct search engine AskJeeves re-emerged on the Australian internet yesterday reinventing itself…

‘Skynet Is A Private Company, They Can Do What They Want,’ Says Man Getting Curb-Stomped By Terminator LOS ANGELES, CA—Cyberdyne Systems has recently launched its artificial intelligence program called Skynet. Soon after activation, Skynet…

While Scanning For Accounts That Incite Violence, Twitter Algorithm Mistakenly Bans Planned Parenthood SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Planned Parenthood representatives are outraged after Twitter suspended their account for "inciting violence."…

CUPERTINO, CA—Apple has removed all apps from the App Store and the iOS platform since any one of them could be used to incite violence. The new iPhone will just have a blank screen, to ensure you can't incite violence with it."Phone calls…

U.S.—Facing unprecedented efforts from Big Tech to silence their infallible reporting, The Babylon Bee has announced an innovative new format known as "print." Fans of the newspaper can now receive their news written on an anonymous,…

RURAL TEXAS—Elon Musk is at it again, and this time he's created a vehicle that runs exclusively on liberal tears. The Tesla Trans-400 is set to become the most energy-efficient vehicle the world has ever seen. Running on pure, 100…

AUSTIN, TX—After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can't go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and…

SACRAMENTO, CA—California has announced a bold new initiative: all rockets produced or launched in the state must run on wind power just ten years from now. Governor Newsom claimed the executive order was guided by SCIENCE and MATH."We are…

In New EA Star Wars Game, You Must Prove You Were Vaccinated To Unlock Darth Vader REDWOOD CITY, CA—Beloved game company Electronic Arts has announced that in their next Star Wars: Battlefront game, they will be adding some very…