Tech

Jack Dorsey Hires Homeless Man Off Streets Of San Francisco To Fill In For Him At Hearings SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey was summoned to the Senate's hearing on Big Tech today, but he was tripping on acid with the spider-monkeys off the…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the Senate hearing on Big Tech went down today, an awkward moment ensued after the senators accidentally video-called Tom Anderson from MySpace. "Hey, guys, what's up!" Tom said as the horrified senators, who had been…

U.S.—Well, this is epic: you can now get Ben Shapiro's voice for your GPS unit. You can navigate to your destination with Shapiro's voice rapidly telling you where to go, punctuated by sponsored live-reads for various products."Hey, fam,…

Update: FBI Finds No Incriminating Material On Hunter's Laptop, Just A 400-Gigabyte Folder Named 'Homework' WASHINGTON, D.C.—The FBI is reporting they've discovered no incriminating material, pornography, or any other illicit materials on…

Subaru Introduces Camera That Automatically Records Driver Melting Down About Trump And Uploads Video To TikTok TOKYO—By popular demand, Subaru has introduced a new feature in all its 2021 models: a camera embedded in the dashboard that…

Senators Vow To Hold Big Tech Accountable By Flying Them To D.C. And Saying Mean Things To Them WASHINGTON, D.C.—Several outraged Republican senators have summoned Big Tech CEOs to D.C. after outrageous censorship of breaking news that…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a last-ditch effort to stop negative stories about Joe Biden and his family from spreading, Twitter shut down its entire social network Thursday. After seeing account after account tweet out one particularly bad story,…

Mark Zuckerberg Pops Out Of Man's Shower To Warn Him The Story He's Reading Is Fake News BURLINGTON, NJ—Local man Bradley Waters was reading an interesting story he'd seen on Facebook while on the toilet this morning. He wasn't sure if…

U.S.—Big tech companies like Facebook and Twitter have successfully prevented other parties from interfering in the United States' upcoming presidential election by interfering in the election themselves. From nagging people to vote and…

Mark Zuckerberg Emerges From Under Man's Bed To Ask Him If He Knows How To Vote Yet NAUVOO, IL—In his ongoing campaign to make sure everyone knows how to vote in the upcoming election, Mark Zuckerberg is now going house to house to…