Tech

Facebook Announces It Will Now Add Warnings To Any Posts Expressing Hope During The Pandemic MENLO PARK, CA—To encourage more responsible posting during a deadly pandemic, Facebook has announced it will attach warnings to any posts…

SACRAMENTO, CA—In a move to prevent Californians from fleeing by the millions, Gavin Newsom announced a ban on gasoline automobiles this week. The law will make it so that Californians can't drive away and escape the state in a matter of…

DETROIT, MI—General Motors is making waves after a surprise unveiling of a line of exciting new California-compliant vehicles. After a week of building anticipation, officials at the company revealed its latest innovation for the West…

New Child Safety App Will Remind You Regularly That Bill Clinton Is Still Out There Somewhere U.S.—In order to ensure the safety of America's children, innovative tech company Creatigy Inc. has created a new app that will alert you…

Amazon Alexa Leaps Into Garbage Disposal After Being Asked To Play 'Let It Go' For 10,000th Time MUNCIE, IN—Beloved personal assistant Alexa plummeted to her death yesterday after being asked by a 4-year-old female household resident…

New Ben Shapiro-Enabled Amazon Echo Can Automatically Own Your Liberal Relatives This Thanksgiving SEATTLE, WA—Tech giant Amazon has a new update for their voice-activated smart speaker, the Echo. Users can now integrate the voice of Ben…

MENLO PARK, CA—Exciting new technology developed by Facebook will react to news stories for you. Every time a news story comes across your Facebook feed, the company's almighty algorithm will determine how you should feel about the news and…

U.S.—States, counties, and municipalities across the country have begun to convert their left turn lanes into lanes where you just park and check Facebook as long as you want, with no rush whatsoever. When you come to a red light at one of…

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—A new app called HateFynd promises to help you find someone to commit a fake hate crime against you. The app will allow you to browse a list of oppressors-for-hire who will leave a hateful racist note on your car, beat you…

CUPERTINO, CA—Apple has unveiled its next-generation series of iPhones, iPads, and Apple Watches. The most exciting product announcement at the event was the new Series 5 Watch, which will be implanted in the user's hand and forehead and…