Tech

PALO ALTO, CA—A new missionary dating app has been launched by a startup company in Silicon Valley. The app, called Witness & Chill, promises to pair Christian users with a hot unbeliever they can date and then convert to belief…

Canon Now Including 'Professional Photographer' Certificate With All Cameras Costing At Least $599 MELVILLE, NY—Canon is now including a certificate indicating you are a professional photographer with all of their cameras that cost at least…

Study Finds Average Person Spends 92% Of Life Trying To Plug USB Cables In The Right Way U.S.—A new peer-reviewed study published in American Science Journal Today found that Americans spend an average of 92% of their life just trying…

NEWARK, CA—Logitech's US division has announced a long-awaited feature in its latest mouse: the G9000 with Replyall-Shock functionality. "If you provide this mouse to everyone in your office, then every time they attempt to 'reply all' in a…

SUNNYVALE, CA—There's a hot new app in Silicon Valley: Diversafriend. The app allows you to choose from thousands of different friends of color, so you can make racist jokes while assuring people it's OK because you have a non-white friend.…

Iphone Update: 'I Don't Agree With You' Now Autocorrects To 'I Hate All Gay People' CUPERTINO, CA—You may not have noticed very many obvious changes with the latest iPhone update, but you will next time you attempt to tell someone that you…

CUPERTINO, CA—In a bold move applauded by feminists everywhere, Apple announced the company is releasing an all-new version of Siri, its digital assistant. Siri will now exemplify feminist leanings. She will not listen to anything you say,…

CUPERTINO, CA—In what was arguably the highlight of Apple's product event in Cupertino yesterday, the company unveiled its new single-use Lightning cables. As soon as you get one charge out of the cable, it will disintegrate into a fine…

CUPERTINO, CA—VeggieTales co-star and up-and-coming app mogul Larry the Cucumber announced Monday he is releasing a new app to help you locate your missing hairbrush. The app, dubbed HAIRBRUSHfinder, lets you geolocate any missing…

Well, this is odd. Google's self-driving cars all seem to be veering hard to the left for some reason.  The driverless vehicles also refuse to make any right turns at intersections, emitting a blaring "BIGOT ALERT" error should they attempt…