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NEW YORK—In an effort to help the team that recently traded for him, quarterback Aaron Rodgers is said to have urged the New York Jets to trade all of their draft picks Thursday after his numerological study revealed terrible omens.…

PHOENIX—In an effort to investigate claims that they were conspiring to suppress the market for the Baltimore Ravens quarterback, NFL owners announced Friday that they had held a secret meeting to make sure they weren’t colluding against…

INDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to gain a fuller picture of prospective players and ensure they would be good fits for the teams that drafted them, a new NFL Scouting Combine drill tested a player’s ability to half-ass a taping of a local…

NEW YORK—Touting the new competition as perfect for anyone who wanted to continue placing bets after the NFL season ended, FanDuel unveiled a new “Double Play” contest Monday, offering users a chance to win back their house. “You may have…

PHOENIX—Knocking furiously on Roger Goodell’s hotel room door to ask if the NFL commissioner had changed his mind, brothers Jason and Travis Kelce were overheard Sunday begging the league to let them play on the same team for the Super…

Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the team that will come away with victory in Super Bowl LVII.AdvertisementPredictionList slidesPredictionCheck back in two weeks: Our pet gerbil who correctly predicts the outcome of the Super Bowl…

After 23 years in the NFL, including a brief 40-day retirement followed by a final season with the Buccaneers, Tom Brady has finally decided to retire again. The Onion asked his fans to describe how they felt, and this is what they…

ATLANTA—The professional football world was reportedly rocked Monday when the Super Company issued a press release announcing that it would not renew its sponsorship contract with the NFL’s championship bowl game. “Following some…

PARADISE, NV—Performing lateral ankle reconstruction procedures before a sold-out crowd at Allegiant Stadium, NFL medical personnel were racing for the quickest ligament repair Sunday during the Pro Bowl Surgical Skills Challenge. “While…

Seven-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady has announced his second retirement from the NFL a year after announcing it the first time and after a regular season in which his Buccaneers finished with an 8-9 record. What do you think?“Years…