Theology

U.S.—A lot of people don't believe in hell anymore, thinking the concept of a place of eternal torment is archaic. But one new study suggests people are much more likely to believe in the concept of hell after shopping at Walmart,…

Progressive Seminary Introduces New Apologetics Course Where You Learn To Apologize For Your Faith PORTLAND, OR—Feels Bible College and Seminary unveiled its new apologetics course this weekend, a grueling series of classes where you learn…

More Atheists Holding Regular Weekly Meetings To Discuss How Dumb Organized Religion Is U.S.—A new report suggests more atheists are holding regular weekly meetings to discuss how dumb organized religion is. The groups pick a day of the…

HOUSTON, TX—After much demand, Pastor Joel Osteen has released a systematic theology, but it's just a pop-up book. The book is called Your Best Theology Now! and promises that anyone can understand theology by flipping through its fun,…

HOUSTON, TX—According to sources at Lakewood Church, Joel Osteen was confused as Kanye West mentioned a strange name several times during his address to the congregation: "Jesus." Osteen tried to nod along as though he knew what he was…

U.S.—In a bid to make learning systematic theology more interesting, more seminaries are replacing long, dull systematic texts with more upbeat, catchy Shai Linne albums. Instead of taking quizzes, seminarians are being asked to come in and…

God Working On Backup Plan To Accomplish His Will Just In Case Trump Doesn't Get Reelected HEAVEN—According to sources close to the Almighty God, He's working on a backup plan to accomplish His eternal will just in case Trump doesn't get…

U.S.—As the only unbiased arbiter of truth in a world of fake news, Snopes continues to expand its selfless mission to fact-check all the things everywhere. Whether they’re calling out a popular satire site for being conspicuously hilarious…

Southern Baptist Softball League Implements ‘Once Safe, Always Safe’ Rule For Baserunners LOUISVILLE, KY—Church softball is an honored tradition that goes all the way back to the time of the patriarchs. In Louisville, the holy pastime is so…

U.S.—A new printing of the Unitarian Universalist hymnal just contains one song: John Lennon's "Imagine." The official UUA hymnal, titled Songs of Doubt, includes the popular song in a few dozen different arrangements and nothing…