Theology

AFTERLIFE—According to sources in the afterlife, local man Warren Peterson encountered his creator after dying this afternoon. Confronted by the infinite holiness of God, Peterson felt the guilt and shame of his sins washing over him,…

NEW YORK, NY—An all-new "Evidence for Atheism" exhibit opened at the Freedom from the Sky Fairy Museum was revealed to just be a large, empty warehouse during its opening weekend, sources confirmed Friday. "Over the past ten years,…

U.S.—President Trump's usually strong support among Baptists has finally come to an end after video emerged of him dancing. While he was also seen "getting handsy" with some women and hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein, Baptists didn't care…

HIDDEN GROVE, MS—Church leaders at Exclusive Grace Reformed Church confirmed Tuesday that they've designated special parking spots just for the elect, having converted the church's old "Visitor Parking" into the "more theologically…

Hell Introduces New Extra-Hot Section For People Who Lick Ice Cream And Put It Back On The Shelf HELL—After learning of a new video trend in which youths are licking ice cream, putting the lid back on, and placing the container back on the…

CALIFORNIA—According to multiple sources close to the Most High, the Almighty is still trying to shake some sense into California, not yet having written off the state as a lost cause. "God figures if He can just give them a little rattling…

Tired Of Christians Imposing Their Religious Beliefs On Others, Democrats Come Out Against Equality U.S.—A number of Democrats have called the recent laws restricting abortion “imposing religion on others” since the basis of the laws is the…

Archeologists Discover Original Stone Tablets Containing The 12 Rules For Life By Jordan Peterson MT. SINEH, QUEBEC—Canadian Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the original stone tablets containing Jordan Peterson's Twelve…

Jesus Reminds Nation He Will One Day Burn All The American Flags And Also Everything Else HEAVEN—In a statement issued through a heavenly representative, the Lord of all creation reminded the nation that he will one day burn all the…

U.S.—A new service called the Bible Geek Squad will send a theology nerd to your house to argue with you about your beliefs. If you're having trouble understanding a Bible passage, you can call the Bible Geek Squad, and they'll…