Theology

Hell Introduces New Extra-Hot Section For People Who Lick Ice Cream And Put It Back On The Shelf HELL—After learning of a new video trend in which youths are licking ice cream, putting the lid back on, and placing the container back on the…

CALIFORNIA—According to multiple sources close to the Most High, the Almighty is still trying to shake some sense into California, not yet having written off the state as a lost cause. "God figures if He can just give them a little rattling…

Tired Of Christians Imposing Their Religious Beliefs On Others, Democrats Come Out Against Equality U.S.—A number of Democrats have called the recent laws restricting abortion “imposing religion on others” since the basis of the laws is the…

Archeologists Discover Original Stone Tablets Containing The 12 Rules For Life By Jordan Peterson MT. SINEH, QUEBEC—Canadian Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the original stone tablets containing Jordan Peterson's Twelve…

Jesus Reminds Nation He Will One Day Burn All The American Flags And Also Everything Else HEAVEN—In a statement issued through a heavenly representative, the Lord of all creation reminded the nation that he will one day burn all the…

U.S.—A new service called the Bible Geek Squad will send a theology nerd to your house to argue with you about your beliefs. If you're having trouble understanding a Bible passage, you can call the Bible Geek Squad, and they'll…

New 'Habitat For Heretics' Charity Builds Giant Mansions For Needy Prosperity Gospel Preachers U.S.—A new charity called "Habitat for Heretics" aims to build giant mansions for impoverished prosperity gospel preachers. Drawing on…

HEAVEN—Sources from within the kingdom of heaven confirmed Wednesday that God has instructed His team of angelic lawyers to begin combing through the covenant made with Noah that He would never again destroy the earth with a great flood, to…

U.S.—Progressive Christians have come out in praise of the kingdom of Satan for how inclusive it is. Left-leaning believers have often criticized their conservative brothers and sisters' churches for excluding certain lifestyles. After…

HOUSTON, TX—A coalition of prosperity gospel preachers has come together to give the nation the very first HeresyCon, an electric three-day conference where attendees will get to hear some of the very best heresy the nation's wolves have to…