Theology

Archeologists Discover Original Stone Tablets Containing The 12 Rules For Life By Jordan Peterson MT. SINEH, QUEBEC—Canadian Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the original stone tablets containing Jordan Peterson's Twelve…

Jesus Reminds Nation He Will One Day Burn All The American Flags And Also Everything Else HEAVEN—In a statement issued through a heavenly representative, the Lord of all creation reminded the nation that he will one day burn all the…

U.S.—A new service called the Bible Geek Squad will send a theology nerd to your house to argue with you about your beliefs. If you're having trouble understanding a Bible passage, you can call the Bible Geek Squad, and they'll…

New 'Habitat For Heretics' Charity Builds Giant Mansions For Needy Prosperity Gospel Preachers U.S.—A new charity called "Habitat for Heretics" aims to build giant mansions for impoverished prosperity gospel preachers. Drawing on…

HEAVEN—Sources from within the kingdom of heaven confirmed Wednesday that God has instructed His team of angelic lawyers to begin combing through the covenant made with Noah that He would never again destroy the earth with a great flood, to…

U.S.—Progressive Christians have come out in praise of the kingdom of Satan for how inclusive it is. Left-leaning believers have often criticized their conservative brothers and sisters' churches for excluding certain lifestyles. After…

HOUSTON, TX—A coalition of prosperity gospel preachers has come together to give the nation the very first HeresyCon, an electric three-day conference where attendees will get to hear some of the very best heresy the nation's wolves have to…

SAN DIEGO, CA—According to sources close to local Christian man Jim Leander, the husband and father quietly cursed Adam and Even while mowing the lawn over the weekend, blaming the couple for causing a curse to be placed on the ground and…

HELL—Representatives for hell confirmed Wednesday the place of eternal torment is now offering hot yoga. The hot yoga classes are said to be the "hottest in town," allowing unbelievers, atheists, and pagans to experience the Eastern…

U.S.—Scholars have long debated what the unforgivable sin is. Now one group of Bible experts says they've figured it out: it's whiteness. The scholars revealed their updated translation of Jesus's words in Mark 3: "Truly I tell you, people…