Theology

CLARKSBURG, WV—A confused copy of Joel Osteen's book The Power of I Am was unsure what it was doing in the Christian Living section of the book department at a local Walmart Supercenter, sources confirmed Wednesday. "I hardly ever…

HEAVEN—A report from the throne room of the Most High God confirmed Tuesday that the Lord is feeling "pretty confident" in his completed NCAA bracket this year. "God's pretty sure He's got this one in the bag," said an angelic messenger in…

In Controversial Tweet, J.K. Rowling Reveals Harry Potter Was Actually 5-Point Calvinist SCOTLAND—In a controversial tweet, author J.K. Rowling has confirmed that beloved character Harry Potter was actually a five-point Calvinist. While…

'Humanity Must Outgrow The Childish Idea Of God,' Says Man Wearing 'My Little Pony' T-Shirt CORVALLIS, OR—Local atheist activist and mall cell phone salesman Mick Delano theorizes that humanity evolved the idea of God and religion to help…

U.S.—An ecumenical church council convened this week has condemned the recent VeggieTales in the House and VeggieTales in the City redesigns as a false gospel, designed to deceive the masses and lead them astray from the true…

Devout Atheist Playing 'Minecraft' Patiently Waits For Complex Structures To Build Themselves AUBURN, WA—Myron Bassett, a thirty-seven-year-old devout atheist, says he has been playing the same continuous game of Minecraft for eight years.…

DENVER, CO—Sovereign Grace First Reformed Church hosts a bingo night every few months to reach out to the surrounding community of seniors and provide a fun night for its own elderly church members. But it's not a typical bingo night.…

FRANKLIN, TN—Following the advice of popular self-help books by Rachel Hollis, local woman Brenda Jenkins decided she'd get up, wash her face, and stop apologizing, seizing the moment and living her life to the fullest. Unfortunately,…

MOBILE, AL—New LifeWay Christian Stores employee Aimee Bryer was tasked with rotating out last week's prophetic books and replacing them with a fresh, just-off-the-truck shipment, sources confirmed Friday. "You see how this one claims…

Atheist Requiring Evidence To Believe Anything Knows For Certain Trump Colluded With Russia CLIFTON, NJ—Local atheist man Michael Kent doesn't just take so-called "facts" at face value. A self-described skeptic, he demands evidence for…