Theology

Survey: 10 Out Of 10 Nazi Scientists Do Not Recommend Opening The Ark Of The Covenant GERMANY—In a new study, ten out of ten Nazi scientists strongly recommended against opening the Ark of the Covenant, or attempting to locate, dig up, or…

Video Game Theologians Confirm Satan To Begin Flashing Bright Red Just Before Final Defeat U.S.—A panel of the nation's top video game theologians confirmed Thursday that Satan will likely begin flashing a bright red color just before his…

Brought to you by  LANSING, MI—Local atheist man Frank Hunter made a public vow nearly a month ago: he would live without any benefit or assistance from scientific advancements made by people who believed in God, specifically by…

What is heaven actually like? There are lots of great things the Bible talks about when we look at spending eternity with Jesus. From worshiping Him forever and ever to a great time of fellowship with the saints throughout the ages, there…

U.S.—According to Bible scholars, the Book of Life mentioned in Revelation is now thought to simply contain a comprehensive cross-denominational statement on social justice put forth by leading evangelicals. It’s not clear which statement…

TACOMA, WA—Local Seventh-day Adventist Martin Lyle went to one of his favorite local restaurants Sunday afternoon and ordered himself a delicious hot fudge Saturday, sources at the diner confirmed. Though most everyone else recognizes the…

PHILADELPHIA, PA—“It’s almost as if the Catholic Church is deeply corrupted at an institutional level and needs some sort of revolutionary purification,” local Catholic John Luther said to his wife Monday morning upon catching up with the…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—In an official statement issued by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints last week, Mormon leaders attempted to distance their beliefs from the plot of Battlestar Galactica. Although the original Battlestar…

SOMEWHERE OVER AFRICA—Prosperity gospel preacher Kenneth Copeland took a brief moment Monday to pray for the poor and hungry while flying over several third-world countries in his luxury jet on the way to his latest lucrative speaking…

ELKINS, WV—In an attempt to remain consistent with a synergistic theology, an Arminian-owned bridge contractor has constructed a bridge only spanning half of a river, sources confirmed. The bridge opened for public transit Monday, with…