Theology

BRAINTREE, MA—During a brief prayer while leading worship at Tidal Wave Church Sunday morning, local worship leader Brian "Hatchback" Lancer managed to espouse no less than 47 different heresies, according to witnesses. "Father God, we just…

Taylor Swift Finally Breaks Theological Silence, Comes Out In Support Of Amillennialism NEW YORK, NY—Taylor Swift finally broke her long-standing unspoken rule of theological silence by coming out in support of amillennialism on her…

WORLD—A panel of climate change scientists from around the world issued updated prediction models Wednesday, confirming that global warming is expected to see a "dramatic and deadly" increase the moment Jesus Christ returns in glory.…

Survey: 10 Out Of 10 Nazi Scientists Do Not Recommend Opening The Ark Of The Covenant GERMANY—In a new study, ten out of ten Nazi scientists strongly recommended against opening the Ark of the Covenant, or attempting to locate, dig up, or…

Video Game Theologians Confirm Satan To Begin Flashing Bright Red Just Before Final Defeat U.S.—A panel of the nation's top video game theologians confirmed Thursday that Satan will likely begin flashing a bright red color just before his…

Brought to you by  LANSING, MI—Local atheist man Frank Hunter made a public vow nearly a month ago: he would live without any benefit or assistance from scientific advancements made by people who believed in God, specifically by…

What is heaven actually like? There are lots of great things the Bible talks about when we look at spending eternity with Jesus. From worshiping Him forever and ever to a great time of fellowship with the saints throughout the ages, there…

U.S.—According to Bible scholars, the Book of Life mentioned in Revelation is now thought to simply contain a comprehensive cross-denominational statement on social justice put forth by leading evangelicals. It’s not clear which statement…

TACOMA, WA—Local Seventh-day Adventist Martin Lyle went to one of his favorite local restaurants Sunday afternoon and ordered himself a delicious hot fudge Saturday, sources at the diner confirmed. Though most everyone else recognizes the…

PHILADELPHIA, PA—“It’s almost as if the Catholic Church is deeply corrupted at an institutional level and needs some sort of revolutionary purification,” local Catholic John Luther said to his wife Monday morning upon catching up with the…