Theology

Every year, Southern Baptist life centers briefly around the annual convention. As I noted in a previous “Baptist insider” article for The Federalist, the denomination technically only exists for the two days of this convention. As such,…

MESOPOTAMIA — Recently discovered evidence has led biblical scholars to believe Noah made the mistake of washing his ark the day before it began raining. This new understanding has given researchers reason to think the flood itself may have…

TORONTO — Despite staggering intellect and deep study of God's Word, psychologist/professor/author/speaker/room-cleaning enthusiast Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has resolved to stubbornly consider every possible tangential meaning of Bible…

EGYPT — Despite his success in interpreting previous dreams regarding an upcoming famine in the land, sources say Joseph is unsure about what to tell Pharaoh about his dream where he's standing in front of everyone in his underwear and…

PATMOS — Owners of a local resort were left discouraged after John the Apostle left their establishment a decidedly negative 1-star review following his stay. The owners had hoped to generate some valuable word-of-mouth buzz after the…

HEAVEN — Sources from the Almighty have confirmed that like everything else for the Orthodox, the rapture will also take place one week after the regular rapture."It's only fair," said the angel Gabriel. "Hoo-boy, you're going to be nervous…

What did you do to earn God's mercy? That's right — NOTHING! Nada, zero, zilch. The Babylon Bee theologians have compiled a complete list of all zero of the things you did to merit the forgiveness of your sins.Look upon this vast…

Due to quality control issues, Saint Peter's questionnaire at the Pearly Gates has gotten stricter. Still think you can get into heaven with all your terrible opinions? Check out this list and find out! Pineapple on pizza is delicious: Nice…

JORDAN — In what has been hailed as a landmark day for Bible history buffs, archeologists have announced the discovery of the steel cage where Jacob wrestled with God, as chronicled in the book of Genesis."This is the site of one of the…

Things were pretty good in the Garden of Eden, but then Adam and Eve had to ruin it by eating from the one tree God explicitly told them not to touch. Ugh! Now sin has entered the world and man has fallen from grace — and we didn't even get…