Theology

MT SINAI — After being freed from slavery by the God of Abraham, witnessing 10 terrible plagues against Pharaoh, and walking across the Red Sea on dry ground to escape from Egypt's army, Kemuel son of Bahram, of the tribe of Benjamin, is…

LONDON — Eve has once again come in last in a global poll for Most Popular Women in History. Comments left by those polled again cited Eve's instigation of the downfall of the human race as a whole as the main reason for her low…

NEW JERUSALEM — Reports coming down from on high confirm Heaven will feature a fully stocked Buc-ee's convenience store and gas station. Saints will be able to fill up on delicious Beaver Nuggets and brisket sandwiches before evacuating…

It’s been more than a year since Dr. Greg Schulz was suspended from Concordia University Wisconsin for publicly objecting to its board of regents inserting racial prejudices into its criteria for a new president. Interim president Dr.…

“He Gets Us” is spending upwards of a billion dollars on an advertising campaign to expose millions of people, including those who tuned in to the 2023 Super Bowl, to Jesus. But its attempt to win over the world with a modernized version of…

HELL — Sources in Hades have announced that Satan will finally be opening the underworld's first Chick-Fil-A franchise, but it will only serve cauliflower sandwiches."We think this is going to be a fantastic addition to Hell," said veteran…

SHECHEM — A young sheep in Israel was left horrified today after it suddenly dawned on him that he was, in fact, a young male lamb without any spots or blemishes, giving him every indication that his life would end at a very early age."The…

WORLD — Worship leaders worldwide were left stunned today after word began to spread that the Lord now regrets including the command "Sing unto the Lord a new song" in His Word after hearing the new songs Christians are currently…

Hyperbolic evangelical lady-preacher Beth Moore found herself at odds with celebrated theologian and First Great Awakening giant Jonathan Edwards over the weekend and concluded Edwards must be the problem. “For the life of me, I don’t get…

U.S. — Scholars at Notre Dame's Department of Theology have found new evidence that the forbidden fruit described in Genesis was not actually a fruit, but a vial of deadly, highly processed seed oil. "We believe that Satan was tempting Eve…