Theology

HENDERSONVILLE, TN — A local man breathed a sigh of relief at the gates of Heaven as he entered the hereafter today, receiving a "Well done" commendation from God Almighty for spending his life arguing with other people in the comments…

U.S. — A shocking report has revealed that there are still people clinging to atheism in spite of the well-documented existence of breakfast burritos."How could a rational being possibly deny the existence of a loving God after taking a…

JERUSALEM — A group of young men who had just finished burying Ananias, a man stricken dead for lying to the Holy Spirit, became frustrated when they discovered they also had to bury his wife Sapphira. The men had reportedly just gotten out…

JERUSALEM — A popular YouTuber died suddenly on Monday while filming an unboxing video of the famed Ark of the Covenant. The sacred Jewish artifact, which had recently been discovered by archeologists in a cave outside Jerusalem, had been…

JUDAH — Zephaniah, described by authorities as a "minor prophet" is tired of being asked by his overbearing parents when he'll become a major prophet, sources say."Sweetie, are you gonna be a minor prophet your whole life?" said his mother.…

Life can throw some real mysteries your way, and we have all wished we could ask God for a few answers. One day, in the presence of our Lord, we will finally get to ask those burning questions which have kept our tiny little brains awake at…

GATES OF HE'LL — After an autocorrect error slipped through in the sorting of souls, thousands of the damned were accidentally sent to he'll for eternity."Wha-what is this place?" asked Greg Norman, as a man approached to unlock the gate.…

GENEVA — A panel of Bible scholars has issued a joint statement about what the afterlife holds for unbelieving introverts. The international panel of academics has confirmed that instead of Hell, unsaved wallflowers will be sent to an…

TWITTER — After centuries of dispute amongst the greatest theological minds in history, the puzzle of free will and predestination was suddenly solved last night through a debate on Twitter."The thousands of volumes written on the subject…

GARDEN OF EDEN — Fresh off being banished from paradise, Adam and Eve are blaming cancel culture for their sudden expulsion."Cancel culture, am I right?" said Adam as he chewed an apple. "I break one little rule, and BAM! Now everyone's…